The Cynic's Home Of Anti~Hollywood Pop/Corn & Film Snobbery
This page is dedicated to the memory of Gene Siskel [1946~1999]:
along with Judith Crist & Pauline Kael, he was among the best widely~published
film critics who wasn't bought & paid for by the studio machine ~ Siskel helped to
set the standard for serious film criticism... plus, he didn't write the screenplay
for "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" [Ebert did]
P.S. to Ebert: You bloody hypocrite. Ditch Roeper for cripes' sake. He's a moron, has
zero qualifications in the realm of film criticism and YOU were the one who led the bitching charge when the
New York Times hired non-film critics Elvis Mitchell and A.O. Scott to replace Janet Maslin a few years back.
And set your sights on serious film criticism again (remember that Pulitzer?) ~ current proof: Two thumbs
up for BLUE CRUSH?? Gene's reeling in his grave, dude. Bet on it.
And speaking of Hollywood bullshit, "The Natural," arguably the second-best baseball film ever made, with its
closing show-stopping, pennant-winning ending -- Roy Hobbs (Redford) hitting the home run into the lights,
causing each lighting bank to slowly explode into electric showers onto the field as he rounds the bases --
is a lie. A Hollywood / Barry Levinson fabrication. In author Bernard Malamud's excellent novel, Hobbs strikes
out (again) to lose the game.
Which is why Sayles' "Eight Men Out" remains #1. Smell the drift of this page? Then let's talk MOVIES!
Quick take on "Matchstick Men"... When I think COMEDY, I think Ridley Scott!
Scary Trailer/Print Ad Quote: "...featuring Academy Award winner, Julia Roberts!"...
Feel free to substitute your own non~fave: Catherine Zeta-Jones, Robin Williams, Marisa Tomei,
Jennifer Connelly, Cher, Gwyneth Paltrow, Barbra Streisand, Julie Andrews or even... directors!
"A film by by Oscar Winner Kevin Costner!" Or Mel Gibson! Ron Howard! Robert Zemeckis! Sydney Pollack!
Sorry, Scorsese -- one step back for you, as you've never won. Seriously. Kevin & Mel have AcadAwards and
Marty's goldless? What the hell is that?
We're nearly always under construction (last updated 11/28/03):
Come back often and RELOAD...
Up on the Big Screen
Seriously Outdated, Sorry ~ These Really Need To Be Moved To An Archives Page
Reason? Any Reference to Fiancée or Girlfriend is Now my Wife
Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone
The most eagerly-awaited book-to-film translation arrives with a thunderous roar but eventually takes a
few bad turns and winds up just another bombastic marketing escapade. Buy a Sorceror's Happy Meal and get
your very own magic wand free. The film cost $125 million to make and a third more ($40M) to market.
At the start, it seems as though Chris Columbus has melded "Mary Poppins" with "Willy Wonka" fairly well,
with Harry's nagging foster parents, a loutish blowhard bully of a foster-brother, a cool giant of a man
(Robbie Coltrane, who pretty much steals this show), a cool scene in Victorian England's "Diagon Alley"
(get it?) where Harry buys his sorcery supplies, fun cameos (by John Hurt, John Cleese and others),
brooding would-be villain Alan Rickman, priggish professor Maggie Smith, wisened Headmaster Richard
Harris, etc.
The sets are superb, the special effects for the most part, excellent, although the CGI-splattered Quidditch
game is over-the-top ~ reminding one of Lucas' pod-race in "The Phantom Menace" and paling in comparison ~
and some of the stop-action stuff simply looks dumb.
Daniel Radcliffe is just about perfect as Potter, although his character frequently is left with nothing to
do but react to others -- a fatal flaw for a film's hero. The part of his amusing worst-luck wizard pal "Ron"
is very well-acted by newcomer Rupert Grint. But Emma Watson's "Hermione" is far too often played as a
know-it-all: her overall performance looks a lot like that of a child actor... acting.
And unfortunately, John Williams couldn't resist composing the score and boy is it loud. And unmemorable.
Stick to Spielberg & Lucas, Johnny-boy. And speaking of Spielberg, this was supposed to be his film
initially; when he dropped out to make the terrible "A.I. - Artificial Intelligence," somehow it fell
into Columbus' hands (and wallet). Yep, the clown who most recently brought you "Stepmom,"
"Bicentennial Man" and "Nine Months" is now the owner of the biggest opening ever. Yikes.
Me: At two hours and thirty-two minutes, this is awfully long for a kiddie fantasy but the first two-thirds
of the film work. The ending, while unpredictable, feels lame. See you at McDonald's - I'll be the one with
the Happy Meal.
Fiancée: Enjoyed one hundred forty-five of the one hundred fifty-two minutes of it.
K-PAX
The brilliant Kevin Spacey rarely makes career mistakes ("Pay It Forward") but this one's a doozy. If you've
seen "Starman" and "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" and perhaps "Crazy People" or "The Fisher King," you've
seen this film.
Despite having knowledge that defies the most astute minds in astrophysics, there's still enough question
as to whether or not Spacey's an alien to keep ("Starman" star) Jeff Bridges interested in "curing" him --
meaning that Spacey's in a mental hospital for most of the flick, healing nearly all of its inhabitants
while Bridges is busy throwing barbecues.
Midway through, there's a plot twist that's just ridiculous -- and rather obvious.
Me: Spacey will probably earn an Oscar nomination which is ok in my book, as he's excellent here. The movie
is another matter entirely.
Fiancée: Is an optimist -- liked Spacey's performance and the "feel-goodness" of the story.
From Hell
AKA "Absinthe Makes The Heart Grow Fonder"
Johnny Depp and partner Robbie Coltrane sort of bumble their way
through this flashy fictional account of Jack the Ripper -- that wacko who whacked his way through five
extremely unattractive prostitutes in London's Whitechapel district in 1888 while saving the luscious
Heather Graham for dessert; more style than story (if you can't figure this one out in the first reel, I
insist that you stop going to the movies), the clues pile up higher than Graham's perky breasts -- and I'm
not certain which gets more screen time.
Freemasons and the Royals get a royal shafting in the wholly unbelievable climax -- once you get past the
usual red herrings; and while the alleged Jack's identity is revealed, his motive is not.
The acting's great and the sets should win an Oscar, which isn't saying much. The entire concept of Graham
even associating with the other prostitutes -- let alone mothering them -- is absurd. This is another film
which should have been directed by Tim Burton... but he was apparently too busy slobbering over Helena Bonham
Carter while screwing up his resume with the entirely unnecessary "Planet of the Apes" remake.
Me: Well Depp's always fun to watch, as is Graham's figure. But this plot is so dumb that I can't recommend it.
Fiancée: Liked it a lot more than I. Oh well.
Bandits
Director Barry Levinson, who has made MANY more bad movies (Sphere, Jimmy Hollywood, Disclosure, Toys,
Bugsy, Avalon) than good (Wag the Dog, Rain Man, The Natural, Diner) comes up big here. This is
by far the funniest film I've seen in years, with most of the humor relying upon asides from Billy Bob
Thornton's character. He's a case study in hypochondriacism, the more sensitive and realistic but less
attractive half of a brother team of bank robbers. "Action figure" Bruce Willis portrays the older, tougher-
but-still-charming, womanizing brother to a "T"... rounding out the crew is a would-be Hollywood
stuntman (Troy Garrity) and, knowing Levinson, the fact that he's a stuntman isn't coincidental.
Along comes a bored red-headed housewife -- Cate Blanchett -- who becomes the focal point
of an anything-but-usual love triangle. A few words about Blanchett: after "Elizabeth" and "The Gift" who
knew she was a drop-dead knockout? I saw Willis on Letterman hawking the film and he made a "Cate Blanchett --
woo hoo!" remark and I said "huh?". Because after seeing her with virtually no makeup (or rather, made up
to look as if she was wearing no makeup) in several films I viewed her only as a gifted actress, another Aussie
who could adapt various American accents apparently effortlessly. Bruce was right: she's hot with a capital "H."
Via real-life comedian Bobby Slayton's John Walsh-like character -- he's the host of "Criminals At Large,"
a reality TV show which chronicles the exploits of the duo, then trio as they happen -- the gang comes to be
known as the "Sleepover Bandits." They arrive at a bank manager's home the evening before each heist,
spending the night then escorting them to each of their respective financial institutions the following
morning so that they may rob them pre-opening.
The look of the film is pure Hollywood (hey, it's Levinson after all) but it does roll along at a merry pace,
mixing progressively funnier pseudo-ailments from Thornton with equal doses of almost-tender romance and quick,
well-done heists.
Apart from the occasional Slayton recaps, this is an entirely linear flick, despite a comment made to
open the movie.
Me: Highest recommendation for a film of this type. Potential Oscar nominations for Thornton as well as Harley
Peyton's witty story & script.
Fiancée: Really enjoyed it.
The Fast and the Furious
A surprisingly entertaining film, considering the fact that it's pretty much drive-in fare -- if drive-ins
still existed that is. I remember seeing trailers for this ages ago and repeating that the pacing shown in
those previews reminded me of the extremely cool "Roadracers" -- Robert Rodriguez's entry in the
interesting but short-lived cable-TV series, "Rebel Highway," from 1994. Worth looking for at your local
video outlet.
The similarities are pretty clear: both very-hot-rod showcases are crammed with virtual unknowns (at the time)
who seem to act above their abilities, each of the films feature gripping racing sequences and flashes of quite
extraordinary editing and the two share several plot points (and similar plot holes). Take essential elements of
"West Side Story," "Rebel Without a Cause" and (!) "Starship Troopers" then add a bunch of Hollywood out-and-out
improbabilities / impossibilities and you have a close approximation of "The Fast and the Furious."
Vin Diesel's performance stands out: he's the bulkier Miguel Ferrer double who, as L.A.'s top street racer,
has a reputation, a girlfriend (tough-chick Michelle Rodriguez), a younger sister (the gorgeous Jordana
Brewster) and his freedom to protect... not necessarily in that order. Enter pretty boy Paul Walker, an
undercover cop whose investigation of a series of truck hijackings leads improbably into Diesel's posse -- and
into little sis' panties of course.
The most obvious flaws here are the central premises: 1) the theory that six or so hijackings would warrant FBI intervention
and 2) that a truck~jacking could be accomplished by souped-up HONDA CIVICS which surround a semi carrying "valuable"
VCRs, DVD players and TVs and "force" the driver to pull over by shooting out his windshield with a crossbow. Not that
the trucker could just hit the brakes, cream all of the cars involved, and make it to his destination in time for the
dockworkers to go ahead and steal the loot just like in real life. Sheesh. Not until the end of the film does one of the
besieged good buddies think to bring along a shotgun on his over-the-road trip.
Note to producers: Panasonic home electronics haven't exactly qualified as "bounty" since 1971.
What follows is a nearly always predictable, frequently insipid, completely clichetic but overwhelmingly
entertaining & extraordinarily loud testosterone-filled frolic. Excellent SDDS sound.
Me: Well, it was our six-month anniversary, so I decided to take the fiancée to a film she really wanted to
see: the very poorly-reviewed "America's Sweethearts" -- but AMC and their stupid MovieWatcher Internet
ticket purchase bullshit somehow screwed up and got me ONE ticket to "Scary Movie 2" (don't ask), and
the garbage starring "Academy Award Winner Julia Roberts" (get used to hearing THAT for the rest of your life)
was sold out... so the theater manager comped us for "Fast." Taken in those terms, I enjoyed it but can't
recommend it as anything other than a fun popcorn flick.
Fiancée: Loved it (see "Driven" below).
A.I. Artificial Intelligence
Quick -- add this to the ever-growing list of films which should have been directed by Tim Burton.
First the good news: the simply amazing Haley Joel Osment's performance -- with only three films under
his little belt loops this kid is already one of the greatest actors ALIVE, let alone the best of
his very young generation.
Right now, he and Ed Norton are the only two actors whom I'll pay to see in anything at all: the only
two actors that I can be sure will show me something that I've never witnessed in each performance.
Much has been made about the fact that Osment never blinks his eyes on camera in AI, which is fairly
incredible in and of itself (in fact, he does blink once, when his "mother" is abandoning him in
the forest). But the depth and range of his perf, as David -- a "mecha" (mechanical being, as opposed to
"orgas" -- organic beings, ie. humans) who yearns to be a "real" boy -- is what makes the film watchable.
Apart from that, this highly-anticipated Kubrick/Spielberg collaboration will likely be a
sizeable disappointment to anyone who was hoping for greatness. It's been well-noted that Kubrick had been
working on this project for a few decades -- after reading Brian Aldiss' very short (10 pages) 1969 story
upon which it's based. And although Kubrick and Spielberg share virtually nothing in their respective
cinematic visions, Stanley did in fact hand pick Steven to direct.
Spielberg also wrote the script (from Ian Watson's screen story) and after
the first two thirds of the film (at which point the movie should have ended), he completely ruins what
has until then been an interesting, occasionally clever "traditional" sci-fi film, pulling out all of the
usual Spielbergian syrup and schmaltz in an effort to upend this dark retelling of Carlo Collodi's
"Pinocchio" with a completely ridiculous happy ending. Christ, is this guy ever gonna really get it?
I mean, for one hour and 45 minutes he has it down: superior set pieces, landscapes, FX (CG and otherwise),
performances, and then he ignores the obvious ending of the film -- EVEN THOUGH HE'S SHOT IT AND IT'S
RIGHT THERE ON THE SCREEN -- Hell, just click your heels three times and say "E.T."...
I make this distinction because frequently critics will claim that a film is at least a third too long,
or twenty minutes too long, or has a "tacked-on" ending. In those cases however, someone would have to have
rewritten the final reel. AI actually HAS a stopping point which would be perfect, considering the fact that
we all know from the beginning that David's search for the Blue Fairy will most certainly be fruitless.
In reality, Spielberg's ending is not by definition happy. But he sure takes a long time trying to
make it so.
Oh well... concentrate on the positive: The first third, featuring
Bill Hurt as David's creator -- Gepetto, as it were -- is superb and feels a lot like it was penned
and directed by Kubrick himself. Sam Robards has no screentime but "wife" Frances O'Connor is good
as David's surrogate mother whose own son is in a cryogenic tube, awaiting a cure for some unnamed
debilitating disease. Even when this evil boy (named "Martin" - get it?) is finally well enough to
return home, only to immediately destroy the possibility of David remaining in the household, the
story remains deliberate and interesting.
After O'Connor can't bring herself to return David to Hurt's laboratories, where he'll surely be
"unmade," and ditches him in the aforementioned forest (a particularly touching and wrenching segment),
he meets up with Jude Law. Law is excellent as Gigolo Joe -- a Fred Astaire-inspired love/sex mecha
on the lam from a trumped-up murder charge -- and he's the one who leads David on his adventurous but
doomed trek to find the Blue Fairy.
I should mention that along the way the FX are among the best you'll see -- a few of them are
mind-boggling. Unfortunately, Steve had to thrown in a cute widdle Ewok/Teddy Ruxpin sidekick for David
(and equally unfortunat is that Teddy reminded me a great deal of Archimedes, the Ray Harryhausen
stop-action owl sidekick to Harry Hamlin's Perseus in "Clash of the Titans."
Me: I gave it a 4 out of 10 on IMDb and that's a shame. But Osment better get an Oscar nod for this.
Fiancée (yep -- we're engaged, despite our differences of opinion on most things cinematic): Agreed pretty much with this entire review and was as admiring as I of Osment and Law.
What's The Worst That Could Happen?
You could see this movie. Really.
Me: Simply awful. Fewer laughs than could have been imagined, given the cast.
Girlfriend: Agreed wholeheartedly, as did her parents.
Swordfish
In his return from the career-threatening "Battlefield Earth," Travolta is once again swaggering in full
force. This guy's future has been over so many times he should be giving Costner some pointers on how to
get out of a slump.
Yep, Johnnie's back and he's tossing around some mean attitude as a bad guy who's out to steal
several billion dollars from a corrupt faction of the DEA. He means business too, judging from the fact
that he's got a few dozen hostages who are duct-taped into walking human bombs ~ and the fact that at
least one is allowed to die to open the film (in a numbingly well-shot scene).
Along for the ride is his "personal assistant" (or is she?), the gorgeous Halle Berry and her briefly
naked stunning torso. Both coerce super-hacker Hugh Jackman (appearing in his 75th film of the year) into
aiding in the heist.
Director Dominic Sena ("Gone in Sixty Seconds," "Kalifornia") has apparently been studying under John
Woo because a few of the action sequences are really well-done and almost fresh. The film eventually
succumbs under its own quasi-existential pretense but it's a relatively fun escapade getting there.
Me: Better than most films of the genre, and Travolta's a hoot. Perhaps the best of the summer's action flix.
Girlfriend: Loved it (ok, she loves most movies).
Driven
I didn't enjoy this film the first time I saw it, when it had Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman and a different title:
"Days of Thunder."
Plus, the Internet Movie Database (imdb.com) lists no fewer than six films which are called simply "Driven."
But no one ever accused Renny Harlin of being original. Ever. His first two hits were sequels, for
cripes sake.
Remember how Tarantino dusted off Robert Forster's career for "Jackie Brown" and Paul Thomas Anderson
put a new rug on Burt Reynolds in "Boogie Nights" and it worked? Well, Forster's worked an astonishing
*26* times since "Jackie" and if you can name three of those works without looking you win the kewpie
doll from the Michael Medved Home Voodoo Kit. Similarly, former "how on earth was this guy the lead
box office draw for four straight years?" Reynolds has appeared in 22 films you've never heard of after
making his comeback "Boogie." Speaking of former box office champs, maybe some new whiz kid will be
helping Stallone revive his career once he's done putting the finishing touches on ruining what's
left of it.
This movie might help provide a reason why old bad actors go away. Without qustion the worst film
for which I've paid admission this year, "Driven" is as hackneyed as they come. Nonexistent acting,
ripped off plot, obvious CGI crashes, blah blah blah.
Me: Total nonsense.
Girlfriend: Loved it, but she's a motor sports fan and not the snob I am.
Pearl Harbor
This is what I wrote on 2/17/01 -- well before the film opened:
Why Pearl Harbor Is Scaring Me In Advance
A) Jerry Bruckheimer's the co-e.prod... please see below B) Director Michael Bay's most recent credits both suck: Armageddon & The Rock C) It's written by the idiot (Randall Wallace) who fucked up Braveheart which, stealing a
line from Siskel, wasn't even the best kilt film that year (Rob Roy was)... so I'm more than
a little worried that the script might sacrifice plot line for the romantic entanglements of the leads, a la
"From Here To Eternity"...
See above: it all came true.
I've been in love with Kate Beckinsale since I first discovered her in the excellent ghost
story, "Haunted," right up through "Cold Comfort Farm" and "Shooting Fish" ~ I even suffered
through Whit Stillman's "The Last Days of Disco" for her. And I like Ben Affleck a lot. I'd
probably even shell out $8.00 to see the two of them in a heartfelt love story if it was directed
by the right person.
Oh wait! I just *did* pay $8.00 to watch "Pretty & Prettier" in a romance! Too bad a WAR had
to get in the way of all that doe-eyed smooching! Seriously! This is a badly-written two-hour
Lifetime channel movie with a terrific one-hour war separating them and a tacked-on ending
thrown in to remind us that we won the war, if not the battle.
Speaking of the tacked-on ending, when did Alec Baldwin go from brilliant cameo guy ("Glengarry Glen
Ross") to impossibly stiff cameo guy (as Jimmy Doolittle here)? This guy makes Al Gore look like Danny
Kaye! And while we're discussing bad acting, what's with Jon Voight appearing in so many films lately?
Is daughter Anjelina "The Lip" Jolie his agent or something? With a budget this bloated, one would have
hoped that Sir Tony Hopkins could have been pulled in to play FDR. But noooooooo.
Fuck Jerry Bruckheimer, fuck Michael Bay and fuck ME for taking a chance on this dog.
Me: Utter bullshit. Will make billions. Drove Ben Affleck to enter rehab on 8/3/01.
Girlfriend: Liked it a LOT more than she should have.
Angel Eyes
Jennifer Lopez -- Puff Daddy's accomplice-cum-big-butted-babe -- stars as a tough cop (we know this
because she can trade crotch-related barbs with her fellow guys in blue -- she's the only female
cop we see) and because she can take down bad guys who are three times the size of her substantial
derriere without so much as a hand from her partner. Apart from some help from a Kevlar vest,
which is inappropriately used as a "Sixth Sense" attempt to make you think this might turn into
a supernatural thriller, JLo has some Matrix-like moves, but without the Keanu Reeves' gay man
character.
Director Luis Mandoki ("Message in a Bottle," "When a Man Loves a Woman") opens this with JLo saving
unseen serious auto accident victim James Caviezel ("Frequency"): "don't leave me now!" and spends
the next 90 minutes totally wasting your time with a non-existent plot and even worse dialogue.
I'm a film snob and I admit it. But I usually can at least see why someone else might like a film
("Bridget Jones' Diary" or "Along Came a Spider" for instance) but this is just lame. An hour in and
I was asking the significant other what the hell was going on. I love dialogue. This has lots of it,
but none of it is worth listening to.
Me: Proof that JLo can't carry a film on her own. Wish we'd seen "Shrek" or even "Spy Kids" instead.
Girlfriend: Cried at the sappy ending, nearly prompting the end of our engagement. Guess I'd nail this
as a chick flick, because I can't recommend it in any other way.
Enemy at the Gates
Russkie soldier Jude Law ends a German massacre/attack on Stalingrad in 1941 by singlehandedly taking out
several officers and their remaining snipers, meeting journalist Joseph Fiennes during his counter-attack;
Following this amazing (based on a true story) exploit, Fiennes makes Law a national hero (with then Chief
Commissar Nikita Khrushchev -- smartly cast Bob Hoskins -- in command), leading the Nazis to bring
in their top gun, Ed Harris, in this absolutely riveting cat and mouse game. Russian underground
activist Rachel Weisz proves to be more talented than her "The Mummy" alleged films would have you
believe, as the sought-after love interest for both Law and Fiennes. The Harris/Law scenes are truly
interesting, and one never looks at the watch to see that the film's nearly two and a half hours in
length.
The direction by Jean-Jacques Annaud (whose best work is "The Bear" and whose most erotic is "The Lover")
is top-drawer, as is the cinematography of Annaud's frequent collaborator, Robert Fraisse.
Me: Bought tickets because I continue to refuse to see "Spy Kids," despite it being directed by
the two-hit-wonder, Robert Rodriguez (are you listening, Mr. Tarantino?) and because that fucking
film and its extremely loud FX continue to intrude on my cinema-going experience on Screen #17 at
the AMC Livonia theatre, beside which this stupid film plays week after frigging week. Grrrrr...
Girlfriend: agreed that this is among 2001's best films thus far.
The Tailor of Panama
The rarely-working John Boorman began his directing career with the Dave Clark Five's answer to
the Beatles' A Hard Day's Night: Having a Wild Weekend but quickly regrouped with the
excellent 1967 revenge film, Point Blank, remade with Mel Gibson in the Lee Marvin
role in 1999 as Payback... Boorman's later good credits include the best "Camelot" film to
date, Excalibur (1981), Deliverance and the much-overlooked masterpiece,
Hope and Glory. If he weren't such an infrequent director, one might say that he is in
need of a hit. But Boorman's never been about "hits," or Hollywood for that matter (witness
quasi-recent films Where the Heart Is, Beyond Rangoon and The General).
So now comes The Tailor of Panama, a good movie based upon an average John Le Carré novel:
one of those "the Cold War is over, so now what shall Robert Ludlum and I write about now?" books.
The answer in this case is to fashion a tale involving Geoffrey Rush as a supposed tailor (yes in Panama,
ok it's a tad obvious): a former prison inmate who was once, it is rumoured, the personal tailor
to dictator Manuel Noriega ~ that "Panamanian strongman" who President Bush the First kept in
the drug business (so his son and current U.S. President George W. Bush would always have a decent
cocaine stash) by using Noriega as an informer before bombing the fuck out of his country,
killing mostly women and children, and taking the bad guy into custody during the most one-sided
U.S. victory on either side of the Gulf War.
So Rush the "tailor" is visited by MI-6's anti~James Bond, Pierce Brosnan (who we know is non-Bond
because he uses the "C" word to describe women, beds as many of them as he can and... swears a lot).
Brosnan's character spends most of the film pretending that there's an anti~Noriega grassroots
campaign afoot, and trying to coax info out of Rush's "tailor" in exchange for money which will allow
Rush to get out of debt and live on his rural farm with his "The Ambassador's Daughter" wife, Jamie
Lee Curtis, while also taking care (financially) of his mistress as well as his drunken friend and
former upriser "Mickie" (Brendan Gleeson), who becomes the biggest pawn in the anti~Noriega sweepstakes...
This slow-moving but well-acted film becomes an interesting commentary on the irony of world politics,
and more directly, the one-upsmanship which exists between Great Britain and the U.S. on the world
stage.
Me: Liked it for what it was: great acting in an average but rarely boring film, and it was nice to
(briefly) see Jamie Lee's breasts again after a long absence.
Girlfriend: Agreed, but still thinks Curtis looks like a man.
Bridget Jones's Diary
Who would have thought that two so-called comedies with similar male-bashing themes would be released
almost simultaneously, both of which feature the identical song as their underlying theme music?
Van Morrison, I suppose, who lent his fine "Someone Like You" to this film and the other of the
same name. Bridget Jones is Someone Like You with an ever so slightly more interesting
story and a far better cast: sweet, perky Renée Zellweger, who added some 25 pounds and a pretty fair
British accent for this retread about a (supposedly) frumpy Londoner who constantly becomes involved
with the wrong men ~ this time the charming rogue Hugh Grant and childhood chum turned rich barrister
Colin Firth. Plot points are used then abandoned after serving their purpose, never to be revisited
(Zellweger's stint as a national TV news reporter, for example) while the aforementioned men
essentially screw her ~ in both senses ~ again and again. We men are pigs. Ho hum. As if women haven't
caught on to that yet. Pass the popcorn so that I can toss a few kernels at the screen. At least
Morrison fares well.
Me: This is why people should at long last stop listening to critics from USA Today
(THREE STARS) and other mass-media magazines: the moronic Peter Travers of the once-great Rolling
Stone is quoted favorably in the new Stallone vehicle (pun quite intentional), Driven.
Enough already.
Girlfriend (as well as her parents): Concurred, but will see Driven without moi.
Hey! She loved Crouching Tiger and Memento so no complaints here.
Blow
Blew.
There was a made-for-cable movie last year (2000) called "Rated X," which told the tale of the legendary Mitchell Bros.
-- the guys who took Ivory Soap model Marilyn Chambers and turned her into one of porn's biggest stars. Marty Sheen's
boys played the Mitchells and it worked out pretty well but the film suffered from the same problem "Blow" does: it
feels like a TV-movie and just isn't worthy of telling unless it's padded with a lot of Hollywood fluff.
The TV-movie-like plot involves the so-called rise and ultimate fall of the young man who (the film claims) was pretty
much single-handedly responsible for the United States' introduction into cocaine trafficking with Colombia's Medellin
drug cartel in the '70s. If you're remotely like me, you probably won't find this story interesting enough to watch an
entire film about it.
This isn't exactly the worst film of Depp's career, partially because he tries awfully hard to make it work. Fails,
but does try. It is, however, among the least fortunate things to happen to Johnny D. since River Phoenix's final
rest stop at the Viper Room.
Me: Rent it if you have to.
Girlfriend: Yeppers.
Along Came a Spider
Well, the gal~pal wanted to see Bridget Jones's Diary but it was sold out so we dropped the $16 on this crap.
The talented Morgan Freeman has the ponderous-yet-wily cop down pat (Se7en, Kiss the Girls),
and he pulls it off again here but this is even worse than those films. At least the latter two had
decent supporting actors like Kevin Spacey, Brad Pitt, Ashley Judd & Cary Elwes. but James Patterson's
novel (also wrote Kiss the Girls) is just preposterous. And the supporting "buddy" this time is the
utterly inept Monica Potter. Equally talent-deprived Penelope Ann Miller has finally found her niche,
playing the wife of leather-faced former actor Michael Moriarty (their daughter's been kidnapped, which
is essentially the plot here). Bottom line: time for some director, ANY director, to offer Freeman a
role which showcases his talents. Are you listening, Spike Lee?
Me: Found it totally implausible and laughed out loud at several plot points.
Girlfriend: Inexplicably enjoyed it, although her theory was "leave your brain at the door" which I concur
makes the film watchable.
Memento
Easily the most intriguing film I've seen since The Usual Suspects (although I've not yet viewed Darren
Aronofsky's Requiem for a Dream). Brit/Aussie Guy Pearce (the bespectacled cop from L.A. Confidential)
witnesses his wife's rape and murder, but is also attacked in the assault. When he comes to, he's lost
his short-term memory. Lost in that he literally could not remember the first line of this paragraph if
he were reading it. So he takes copious notes and photographs in an effort to track the killer, going
so far as to tattoo his body with salient, and occasionally ominous facts. Dead-on turns by Matrix alums Carrie-Anne
Moss and more importantly Joe Pantoliano as confidantes who want to help Pearce's character
(or do they?). The first five minutes of credits are brilliant.
Me: As I wrote, I can't recommend this strongly enough.
Girlfriend: Agreed in toto.
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Magical Ang Lee/Chow Yun Fat collaboration defies gravity and makes one forget they're reading
subtitles while delving into martial arts philosophy wrapped in a tremendous story. There are at
least five reasons why this is the most successful foreign-language film in U.S. movie-going history.
Take that, Matrix and your sequels.
Me: A perfect film.
Girlfriend (who dislikes subtitles): Agreed.
15 Minutes
You thought Ronin was bad? DeNiro's "serious actor" reputation continues to tarnish with this
ridiculously violent car chase fest co-starring McMullen Brother number one, Edward Burns. In an
apparent inside-out joke re: Bob's perf as an arson investigator in Ronnie Howard's Backdraft,
Burns is the arson investigator to DeNiro's cop. The film purports to make a statement about
the media's promotion of violence in America while exploiting its very notion. The Russian
protagonists are so inept that they beg you to want them dead. One eagerly awaits "The Score" ~ perhaps
Ed Norton can save DeNiro...
Me: Avoid like a 48 HRS sequel.
Girlfriend: Agreed.
Traffic
Soderbergh's three-stories-in-one effort to make up for his same-year Erin Brockovich works on
several levels: the direction and general filmmaking is terrific, although the non-linear shooting
will be off-putting to those who didn't "get" the much better Pulp Fiction. Interesting
cinematography replaces mostly average acting -- the three tales take place at the same time,
each filmed with a lens filter in a different hue... the Mexican sequence, featuring Oscar-winning
chameleon Benicio Del Toro is the best of the trio, shot in yellow & sepia. Catherine Zeta-Jone
proves once again that merely a pretty face doesn't qualify one for an Oscar nomination despite
playing an unknowing drug lord's wife, while elderly hubby Michael Douglas is only
mildly effective in what is essentially an unbelievable role as the U.S.'s newly~appointed
"drug czar" whose pretty much perfect daughter is smoking pot (whoah! call the police!);
aging/fading actors like Streisand leech James Brolin, Brockovich alum Albert Finney,
plus the co-star of the other rare successful cocaine films, DePalma's Scarface, Steven Bauer,
and Animal House's Peter Riegert, the former Mrs. Steven (SKG) Spielberg: Amy Irving,
the lucky fella who used to sleep with Meg Ryan: Dennis Quaid, quintessential also-ran D.W. Moffett
and others occasionally pop up for no discernible reason.
Despite these mostly awkward performances, or lack thereof, I liked this film a lot.
Me: Great direction & cin & Benicio...
Girlfriend: Appreciated it more than she'd expected to.
Someone Like You
We saw this Ashley Judd vehicle at a private sneak preview screening and I found it to be immensely
enjoyable while actually watching the film, despite the tacked-on lousy ending. A chick flick in the
purest sense of the words, upon reflection twenty minutes after viewing it's completely dispensible.
Me: Fun until I left the theater.
Girlfriend: Loved it.
Chocolat
Wonderfully fun romantic fantasy with excellent performances all around, particularly by Binoche &
Dench ~ although Depp's character seems underwritten. I smiled throughout and highly recommend
the film to anyone reading this. After the show, several males were waiting for their
dates/wives/significant others outside the ladies' room, chatting amongst themselves. One commented, "that was
actually pretty good for a chick flick" to which another replied "yeah, but now I have to go home
and watch T2 to get my testosterone back up."
Me: Superior.
Girlfriend: Ditto.
Hannibal
Absolutely pathetic in nearly every way, this film should've been aborted when TSotL's director,
screenwriter and Jodie Foster bailed. The violence is sledgehammer-on-the-head subtle and is at times
completely unwatchable. Sure, Hopkins is a brilliant actor, but the plot holes here are crevasses
even Sir Anthony can't leap. The always-excellent Julianne Moore does her best Foster impersonation
but it's not enough to sustain interest. Liotta's simply absurd, as is the film's "surprise" climax,
which literally drew a few belly-laughs from the audience. The final scene is the strongest example
of child abuse I've seen in a major theatrical release. This is an R-rated film? Then the MPAA has
clearly abandoned the NC-17 rating.
Me: More loathsome than I can say here.
Girlfriend: Liked some of the performances.
The folks who foisted Saving Silverman on us say they hope their movie will attract audiences looking
for an alternative to Hannibal. Especially if it's an alternative with row after row of elbow room.
Forget the movie, Mr. Projectionist. Why not just show Amy Pascal's home videos from Disneyworld?
Have you seen Hannibal yet? What is wrong with Gary Oldman? Where does he get these wacky character
voices? So what, he looks like a cottage cheese-head. Does a cauliflower noggin mean he should talk
like mommy's the Wicked Witch of the West and daddy's Screech from Saved by the Bell? Gary's so good
at disappearing into his role, why can't he disappear with it?
I guess talking like a fool is what happens when you're Hannibal Lecter's only surviving victim and
your face has been fed to your dogs - who evidently gobbled up your voice too along with your ability
to walk and your screen credit.
Wow, there's a lot of Hannibal in Hannibal. Then again, they didn't call this movie "Whoever's playing
Clarice this time."
Okie dokey!
Sir Tony Hopkins returns to the role which made him infamous. Hannibal, of course, has been in hiding
for the past ten years while he awaits instructions from Tom Harris, the slow-pokey author of Silence
of the Lambs who finally got around to a sequel. In the meantime, Lecter went on to found his own
name-brand kitchenware shops in malls across America, certain that the prospect of millions of unholy
Hollywood dollars would mean one thing and one thing only: The lambs will never be silent.
This Hannibal just isn't as scary as the last one, if you ask me. It's hard to be menaced by an old
guy in silk jammies with a cigarette holder and an encyclopedic knowledge of art history. Who are his
arch-enemies, Truman Capote and Tom Wolfe? Goody, goody.
Sir Tony submits to all sorts of ignominy in pursuit of millions of unholy Hollywood dollars.
In one scene he's strapped to a forklift, presumably to be properly stacked on a shelf at the Home Depot.
In another, he narrowly escapes being eaten by pigs, much like any woman who ever attended a frat party.
Giancarlo Giannini is the Italian cop hot on Hannibal's trail. Giancarlo is that classical kind of
Euro actor who can balance a foot-long column of ashes on the tip of a cigarette dangling from his lips
as he jabbers to his mistress on his Nokia while scootering down the Via Veneto snatching cameras off
the shoulders of unwary American tourists. Pronto!
If ever there were a character marked for extinction it would be Ray Liotta. The minute he mouths off
to Clarice: "I always figured Hannibal for a queer - all that artsy fartsy stuff," just change his name
to Ray Lunch-otta and set your egg-timers, folks. Now I'm not going to blow the surprise of Ray's fate
(which is a little on the surreal side - surreally gross and surreally hilarious), and I don't want to
say it looked like an animated effect, but when his cap came off I saw the Superfriends waving back.
So on my way out of this movie I ran into a TV News crew who, as usual, were determined to ask dumb
questions and get dumb answers. Fool that I am, I stepped up to the plate.
"Did you like the movie?" they asked.
"I liked it so much, I'm off for a wonderful meal of fava beans and a nice Chianti."
Too clever by double and not dopey enough by half. End of interview.
It is an unenviable task following up an Oscar-winning modern classic, but where there's a will and a
boatload of cash there's always a way.
Some movies grow on you in time and others recede. The farther I get from Hannibal, the farther I'd
like to be.
Then again, what am I but a rube in cheap shoes.
Overlooked
A Few Hundred Very Good Films You Might Not Have Bothered To See
[In The Order In Which I Thought Of Them, A Stream~Of~Consciousness Sort Of Thing]
Apart from the work of a few directors or actors, I've done my best not to include mega~hits
Updated as often as I see a film worthy of this list: last time was 02/28/03.
Astonishingly, 2002 was the first year during which I didn't add a single film I saw in a theatre...
truly a very bad sign of our times; pencils ready? Here they are... updated 01/01/04
Wings of Desire [Germany]
The Thin Red Line
The Thin Blue Line
A Brief History of Time
Mr. Death: The Rise and Fall of Fred A. Leuchter Jr.
Gates of Heaven (another Morris film, not to be confused with Cimino's wretched Heaven's Gate)
A Life Less Ordinary
Smilla's Sense of Snow
The Waterdance
Fluke
Made In Heaven
Swimming With Sharks
Box of Moonlight
Days of Heaven
Badlands
Night of the Hunter
Romeo Is Bleeding
The Vanishing (Dutch version)
The Double Life of Veronique (France)
Tampopo (Japan)
Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown (Spain)
High Heels (Spain)
Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! (Spain)
Bound
Carried Away
Children of Paradise (France)
Return to Paradise
Another Day In Paradise
Stranger than Paradise
Mystery Train
Down By Law
Dead Man
Night On Earth
City of Hope
Matewan
Return of the Secaucus 7
Eight Men Out
Lone Star
Repo Man
Drugstore Cowboy
My Own Private Idaho
To Die For
Blood Simple
Barton Fink
Fargo
Miller's Crossing
The Hudsucker Proxy
Raising Arizona
Do the Right Thing
The Girl's Gotta Have It
Malcolm X
Get on the Bus
Mo' Better Blues
Summer of Sam
Clockers
4 Little Girls
Jungle Fever
School Daze
Bamboozled
Delicatessen (France)
Big Night
In Country
Re~Animator
Bride of Re~Animator
From Beyond
Jean de Florette (France)
Manon of the Spring (France)
Twilight
The Marriage of Maria Braun (Germany)
A Little Princess (1995 version)
Dead Aviators (aka "Restless Spirits")
Europa Europa (Germany)
Zentropa (Sweden/Germany)
Angry Harvest (Germany)
Breaking the Waves
Nobody's Fool
Red Sorghum (China/Hong Kong)
Raise the Red Lantern (China/Hong Kong)
Ju Dou (China/Hong Kong)
Shanghai Triad (China/Hong Kong)
To Live (China/Hong Kong)
Farewell My Concubine (China/Hong Kong)
M. Butterfly
Dangerous Beauty (despite it's name)
The Pillow Book (Mandarin/English)
Walking and Talking
Two Girls and a Guy
Cold Comfort Farm
Haunted
Haunted Summer
The Big Brass Ring
Hanussen (Hungary/Germany)
Mephisto (Hungary/Germany)
Danton (France)
Soldier of Orange (Netherlands)
La Lectrice (France)
Au Revoir Les Enfants (France/Germany)
The Killer (Hong Kong)
Hard Boiled (Hong Kong)
Little Vera (Russia)
Urga: Close to Eden (Russia)
Vagabond (France)
Kiss or Kill
One Deadly Summer (France)
Images
At Close Range
She's So Lovely
The Land Girls
The Opposite of Sex
Shallow Grave
Cop
Best Seller
Indictment: The McMartin Trial
Dirty Pictures
Bad Lieutenant
Smoke
Blue in the Face
Imaginary Crimes
High Art
The Object of My Affection
The Myth of Fingerprints
Pi
Dark City
Black Robe
Nowhere
The Doom Generation (not for everyone)
The Company of Men
Your Friends & Neighbors
One False Move
An Angel at my Table
The Piano
The Portrait of a Lady
Manny & Lo
The Atomic Cafe
A Big Hand for the Little Lady
Cat People (1942 Val Lewton version)
The Hidden
Cronos (Mexico)
Critical Care
A Christmas Carol (1984, George C. Scott version)
Das Boot (aka "The Boat," Germany)
Dead Ringers
Don't Look Back
Don't Look Now
Eureka (1983, Roeg)
Drowning by Numbers
The Draughtsman's Contract
The Krays
Let Him Have It
Eye of the Needle
W.C. Fields: Straight Up
Five Easy Pieces
The Last Detail
Freaks
Reefer Madness
Plan 9 from Outer Space
Ed Wood
The Great Train Robbery
Harold and Maude
The Hellstrom Chronicle
Microcosmos
Working Girls (not to be confused with "Working Girl")
Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker's Apocalypse
Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle
Naked
Once Upon a Time in America
Once Upon a Time in the West
Paperhouse
Point Blank (1967 version)
Racing with the Moon
Bird
'Round Midnight
Slaughterhouse~Five
THX 1138
This is Spinal Tap
To Sleep with Anger
12:01 PM (short)
21 Days (aka "21 Days Together")
Village of the Damned (1960 version)
Zelig
Zero Effect
Laws of Gravity
Les Misérables (1998 version)
The Assignment
Something Wild
After Hours
The Last Seduction
Red Rock West
Gods and Monsters
Apt Pupil
Richard III (1995 version)
Looking for Richard
Breathless (1960, France)
The Four Hundred Blows (France)
Day for Night (France)
8 1/2 (Italy)
Akira (Japan)
Kind Hearts and Coronets
M (Germany)
Z (France)
Mr. Hulot's Holiday (France)
Rules of the Game (France)
The Journey of Natty Gann
Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle
Cookie's Fortune
Four Weddings and a Funeral
Good Will Hunting
American Beauty
Deceiver
Clay Pigeons
The Locusts (1995)
Darkly Noon (aka The Passion of Darkly Noon)
Normal Life
Norma Jean & Marilyn
Simon Birch
Buena Vista Social Club
Evidence of Blood
The Affair (1995, Courtney B. Vance/Kerry Fox)
Three Kings
Shooting Fish
Rounders
Thursday
A Merry War
Boys Don't Cry
Mountains of the Moon
My Dog Skip
My Life as a Dog (Sweden)
Dogfight
The Tuskegee Airmen
Miss Evers' Boys
Mixed Signals
Closet Land
Krzysztof Kieslowski's Three Colours (Blue, White & Red) trilogy (several languages)
The Insider
Temptress Moon (Hong Kong)
Rambling Rose
The Innocent (1993 Schlesinger version)
The Ref
Blood and Wine
Naked Lunch
Impromptu
The New Age
Deconstructing Harry
Manhattan
Brain Dead
City of Industry
House of Games
Homicide
Glengarry Glen Ross
Boiler Room
Henry & June (the first NC~17 film)
Being John Malkovich
Illuminata
The Conversation
Scarecrow
The Quick and the Dead
What Dreams May Come
Soldier Blue
Lulu on the Bridge
Hi~Life
Election
Perfect Witness
American History X
Death Takes a Holiday
Aldrich Ames: Traitor Within
Summer of '42
Denial (marginally)
Eden (1997)
Inventing The Abbotts
Body Count (1997)
Judas Kiss
Girl Interrupted
The Thirteenth Floor
Celebrity
Niagara Niagara
Killing Zoe
Psycho (Van Sant's excellent nearly shot-for-shot 1998 Hitch tribute, complete with Herrmann's score)
Run Lola Run (Germany)
Murder in Mind (1997)
Candy
200 Cigarettes
eXistenZ
Burnt by the Sun (1994, Russia)
Desert Hearts (1985 lesbian cult classic, avec Helen Shaver & Patty Charbonneau)
B.U.S.T.E.D. (aka Everybody Loves Sunshine)
Six Ways to Sunday
Guinevere
Panic (2000)
Point Blank (Lee Marvin, 1967, remade in 1999 by Mel Gibson as "Payback")
Rushmore
Stigmata
American Psycho
The Velocity of Gary
Dick (1999)
Catch~22
Mystery Alaska
Stange Justice
The Last Tattoo
Sabrina (1954 Wilder version)
Still Crazy (1998, Stephen Rea)
Best Laid Plans
Mansfield Park (Austen)
Clerks
Chasing Amy
DOGMA
Racing with the Moon
A Walk on the Moon
The Man in the Moon (1991, Robert Mulligan's final film, with Reese Witherspoon)
Man on the Moon (Forman)
Heavenly Creatures
Best Laid Plans
The Visitors (1972, James Woods)
The Hit (1984, Terence Stamp, Tim Roth)
The Muse
Defending Your Life
Lost in America
Modern Romance
Gregory's Girl
Twin Falls Idaho
Dance With A Stranger (1985, Miranda Richardson's debut/Newell dir.)
There Goes My Baby (1994)
A Cool Dry Place
Beautiful Joe
Stranger than Fiction (marginally)
South Park
The Limey
The Rose Garden (Fons Rademakers)
Flawless (DeNiro/Hoffman)
Snow Falling on Cedars
Eventual Wife (short)
The Last Big Thing
Rated X (marginal)
Man of the Century
The Legend of 1900
Chocolat
Suture
Sweethearts
Regeneration
Loaded
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (Mandarin China)
Traffic
Hard Eight
Boogie Nights
Magnolia
61* (the new "2nd-best baseball film ever," surpassing The Natural & Bull Durham: and ignoring
the pathetic crowd-pleaser, Field of Dreams)
Near Dark
Memento
Conspiracy (2001)
Enemy at the Gates
Odd Man Out (1947, Carol Reed dir.)
The Big Kahuna
Chicken Run
Unbreakable
Timecode
Shadow of the Vampire
Alice Through the Looking Glass (Beckinsale)
Band of Brothers (HBO miniseries)
Power
The Gift (2000)
Bandits
The Filth and the Fury
Brokedown Palace
The Sum of all Fears
The Wisdom of Crocodiles (video title: Immortality)
Light Sleeper
Human Traffic
The Anniversary Party
Bad Boys (Sean Penn)
Ghost World
Monster's Ball
Amélie (French)
The Pianist
Things to do in Denver When You're Dead
Heist
Capturing the Friedmans
Spider
The Kid Stays In the Picture
Reservoir Dogs
Pulp Fiction
Kill Bill Vol. 1
City By The Sea
Mystic River
Love Actually
Finding Nemo
Four Friends
Kiss of Death (1947)
Kiss of Death (1995 ~ killer cast)
Courage Under Fire (after repeat viewings)
The General (1927, Keaton)
The General (1998, Boorman)
Proof (1991, Hugo Weaving)
21 Grams
The Salton Sea
McCabe & Mrs. Miller
Lost in Translation
The Guilty (1991)
Ricochet (Denzel)
Remarkable, So I'm Remarking
Actors & Directors Still At It Today Whose Work Nearly Always Adds Enough To Hold My Interest
Updated 01/19/03
Robert DeNiro [hence "Niro"], Denzel Washington, Sean Penn, Jack Nicholson, Lili Taylor, Emily Watson,
Linda Fiorentino, Matthew Modine, William Forsythe, James Woods,
Catherine Keener, Robin Wright [aka Robin Wright Penn], Jessica Lange, Gary Oldman, Irène Jacob,
Meryl Streep, Holly Hunter, Harvey Keitel, Samuel L. Jackson, Anthony Hopkins, Judi Dench,
Johnny Depp, Ewan McGregor, Kate Beckinsale, Reese Witherspoon, Michael Madsen,
Philip Baker Hall, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Seymour Cassell, Robert Downey, Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Ian McKellan,
Kevin Bacon, Tim Roth, Forest Whitaker, Halle Berry, Morgan Freeman, John Turturro,
Matt Dillon, Matt Damon, Kevin Spacey, Ellen Barkin, Laurence ["don't call me Larry"]
Fishburne, Edward Norton, Bill Pullman, Deborah Kara Unger, Ben Stiller, Elias Koteas,
Helena Bonham Carter, Helen Hunt, John Malkovich, Christopher Walken, Ashley Judd,
Anjelica Huston, Vanessa Redgrave, Susan Sarandon, Lena Olin, Juliette Binoche,
Nicolas Cage, John Goodman, William H. Macy, Uma Thurman, Jennifer Jason Leigh,
Bridget Fonda, Angelina Jolie, Joan Chen, Gong Li, Ralph Fiennes, Natalie Portman,
Steve Buscemi, Daniel Day Lewis, Gabriel Byrne, Pete Postlethwaite, Dan Hedaya,
Brenda Fricker, Sigourney Weaver, Val Kilmer, Stephen Baldwin, Alec Baldwin,
John Lone, Tony Leung, Julia Ormond, Claire Danes, Sam Rockwell, Jeremy Irons,
Chow Yun Fat, Jeff Bridges, Amanda Plummer, Ving Rhames, Christopher Walken,
Milla Jovovich, Emma Thompson, Jodie Foster, Liam Neeson, Billy Bob Thornton, Joan Allen,
Christina Ricci, Christian Slater, Gena Rowlands, Victoria Abril, Miou~Miou, Gerard
Depardieu, Ally Sheedy, Illeana Douglas, Nicole Kidman, Tom Sizemore, Bill Paxton,
Stephen Rea, Paul Rudd, Hugh Grant, John Hannah, Simon Callow, Kristin Scott Thomas,
Andie MacDowell, Ossie Davis, Judy Davis, Peter Weller, Gina Gershon, Jennifer Tilly, Vincent D'Onofrio
[the guy is a frigging chameleon], Will Smith, Miranda Richardson, Helen Mirren, John C. Reilly, Paul Newman, Stanley Tucci, Delroy Lindo, Holly Hunter, Ian Holm, Campbell Scott, Parker Posey, Liev Schreiber, Minnie Driver, Jeremy Irons, Eric Stoltz, Diane Lane, John Lithgow,
Sam Neill, Gene Hackman, William Hurt, John Hurt, Barbara Hershey, John Cleese, Gary Sinise,
Isabella Rossellini, Russell Crowe, Elisabeth Shue, Al Pacino, Jack Warden,
Jeffrey Tambor, Joe Morton, Frances McDormand, Elizabeth Peña, Matthew McConaughey,
Jason Robards, Danny Aiello, Patricia & Rosanna Arquette, John Cusack, Joan Cusack,
Billy Crystal, Mike Myers, Steve Martin, Mary McDonnell, Alfre Woodard, Terence Stamp,
Tobey Maguire, Eric Roberts [if only to see how far off the edge he's jumped],
Richard Gere, Kirsten Dunst, Laura Dern, Ryan Phillippe, Sarah Polley,
Liv Tyler, Sarah Jessica Parker, Willem Dafoe, Denise Richards,
Neve Campbell, Salma Hayek, Lance Henriksen, Renée Zellweger, Aaron Eckhart,
Hope Davis, Julianne Moore, Roy Scheider, Wendie Malick, Elizabeth McGovern,
Jean Reno, Bill Nunn, Andy Garcia, Fairuza Balk, Nick Nolte, Sandrine Holt, Bill Murray,
Janeane Garofalo, Charles S. Dutton, Kevin Kline, Aidan Quinn, John Gielgud, Cate Blanchett,
Robin Tunney, Peter Greene, Chazz Palminteri, Anna Paquin, Lara Flynn Boyle,
Nastassja Kinski, Isabelle Adjani, Dennis Hopper, Ethan Hawke, Julie Delpy, Tony Shalhoub,
the joined~at~the~lip Matt Damon & Ben Affleck, Joaquin Phoenix, Tobey Maguire,
Jude Law, Vince Vaughn, Courtney B. Vance, Kerry Fox, Edward Burns, Heather Graham,
Chloë Sevigny, Diane Lane, Omar Epps, Stephen Dorff, Stellan Skarsgård, Kathy Baker,
Kathy Bates, Henry Czerny, Matthew Broderick, Timothy Hutton, Jack Black, Alessandro
Nivola, Embeth Davidtz, Rachael Leigh Cook, Joey Lauren Adams, Mark Wahlberg, George Clooney,
Ice Cube, Ice T, Jonathan Pryce. Philip Seymour Hoffman, Hugh Jackman, Robert Duvall, Ed Harris, Will
Patton, Haley Joel Osment, Giovanni Ribisi, Katie Holmes, Ray Liotta
and [yep, I admit it] Meg Ryan & Cameron Diaz & Charlize Theron
& Sharon Stone & Selma Blair & Sarah Michelle Gellar & Bruce Willis [not together, of course,
although...],
Agnieszka Holland [D], Kenneth Branagh [D&A], Tim Robbins [D&A], Martin Scorsese [D], Spike Lee [D],
Woody Allen [D&A], Errol Morris [D], John Woo [D], Ang Lee [D], Pedro Almodovar [D],
Zhang Yimou [D], The Coen Brothers [D&P], Milos Forman [D], Wim Wenders [D],
Whit Stillman [D], Jim Jarmusch [D], David Lynch [D], Tim Burton [D], Robert Altman [D],
Mike Figgis [D], John Sayles [D], Sam Raimi [D], David Mamet [D], Danny Boyle [D],
Mike Leigh [D], Peter Greenaway [D], Peter Medak [D], Richard Linklater [D],
Gus Van Sant [D], Paul Thomas Anderson [D], Neil LaBute [D], Frank Darabont [D],
David Cronenberg [D], Terrence Malick [D], Marc Caro [D], Robert Altman [D],
Luc Besson, Oliver Stone [D], Brian DePalma [D], Bryan Singer [D], Tom DiCillo [D],
Sidney Lumet [D], Bille August [D], Bob Rafelson [D], Lasse Hallström though he's getting more
sugary with each film [D], John Dahl [D], Michael Mann [D], Albert Brooks [D&A], Lars von Trier [D],
Kevin Smith [D], Mike Newell [D], Norman Jewison [D], Steven Soderbergh [D],
Darren Aronofsky [D], Christopher Nolan [D], Anthony Minghella [D]...
I frequently update this list as I think of omissions (recently dropped from the list: the self-important
M. Night Shyamalan, who's certainly failed to live up to his hype following The Sixth Sense)
On The Horizon
Fairly New [or Lesser~Known] Directors to Keep an Eye On
Updated 4/26/01
Susan Skoog, Gregg Araki, Lisa Krueger, Nicole Holofcener, Jonas and Josh Pate,
Neil LaBute, Skip Woods, Kimberly Peirce (the spelling is correct), Tony Kaye, Tom Tykwer,
Henry Bromell, Mary Harron, Darren Aronofsky, Christopher Nolan
Love Is In The Air
The Most Romantic Films This Side of Casablanca
Tie: Mike Newell's Four Weddings And A Funeral and Wim Wenders' Wings of Desire
Style Over Substance
The Best Production Design Which Actually Lifted An Essentially Average Film To The Next Level
What Dreams May Come
HURRY UP!
Good Directors Who Take Entirely Too Much Time Between Films
Updated 02/18/00
Terrence Malick, Quentin Tarantino [PS: feel free to quit acting altogether and write your own scripts again, QT]
The Dead Zone
Unquestionably The Best Actor Who Died At An Early Age, Leaving A
Large Enough Body Of Work To Justify This Sentence
Added 10/29/00
River Phoenix (despite "Sneakers")
... man what a loss; now we get 30 more years of Christian Slater receiving the roles
that Phoenix would have perfected: no offense to Slater intended, especially because he
donated his entire salary for the deplorable "Interview With The Vampire" to RP's fave
charities... but River was the man. Note: James Dean eliminated due to a three-film career.
Directors Whose Work Has Actually Killed Actors or Crew~Folk On Their Sets
Updated 3/28/01
John Landis [Twilight Zone: The Movie] ~ Dead: [Jennifer Jason Leigh's father] Vic Morrow
and a couple of Asian kids who were working later than contracts allowed.
Sam Raimi [Spider-Man, 2002] ~ Dead: A construction worker building an office building set,
killed 3/6/01 in a collision of two cranes, when the larger of the two tipped over and slammed
into the smaller one upon which the victim was working.
Alex Proyas [The Crow, 1994] ~ Dead: Brandon Lee (yup, son of Xiaolong Li, aka Bruce Lee);
died March 31, 1993 ~ my 38th birthday ~ after a gun firing blanks "accidentally" shot the cap
of one of its bullets into Lee~the~younger's abdomen, fatally lodging itself in his
spine. He was 28. Lee~the~elder died at age 32 on 7/20/73, presumably of a brain hemorrhage, also
while making a film (the sequel to "Enter the Dragon")...
A For Effort: Michael Bay, whose Pearl Harbor nearly killed
a stunt pilot when his Japanese plane crashed.
Directors Whose Lives Were Cut Short By Their Government's
Inability To Stop The Japanese Mob
Dead: Juzo Itami [Tampopo, A Taxing Woman, The Funeral] ~ Suicide, due to death threats
by the Yakuza following what they felt were their poor portrayals
in a few of his films.
The Most Dangerous Producer In Hollywood
Jerry Bruckheimer
This is another of the former TV advertising guys (like Adrian Lyne, Ridley Scott et al) who moved into the film biz, more often than not merely bringing with them an eye for glitter. In Bruckheimer's case he also brought partner Don Simpson (no relation to Homer Simpson) along with him. A notorious partier, Simpson died of an overdose at his LA estate in 1996 ~ six months after his own personal physician also overdosed in the same estate's poolhouse. Sure Jerry & Don were successful, but money can't buy life, eh Don?
I did mention that they were successful, right? Yep. $uccessful with a capital $. To the point that Jerry's name alone is now advertised to sell the film. Before the stars' names are even seen in the trailers.
The evidence: Flashdance, Beverly Hills Cop 1 & 2, Top Gun, Days of Thunder, Bad Boys, Crimson Tide, The Rock, Con Air, Enemy of the State, Armageddon, Gone in 60 Seconds and many more. These popcorn movies continue to prove that pretty faces, gritty tough guys, car, plane & meteor chases, things blowing up and other death~defying stunts (well, except for death~defying drug use) will sell more tickets than any great film with real plot and/or character development. Or even smart dialogue.
Why does this make Jerry the most dangerous producer around? Because his movies open on so many screens that the truly wonderful films can rarely find their deserved audience. We can also blame him for frequently turning legitimate actors like Nic Cage & Denzel & Gene Hackman into action stars. And for resurrecting Aerosmith's long~dead career. And for Tom Cruise in general.
I like the way Tom Keogh, a terrific critic at Film.com, succinctly sums it up (re: Gone in 60 Seconds): As with most Bruckheimer releases, this one is mostly an advertisement for itself, selling the audience on an impression of a film instead of an actual one.
From: TomKeogh@aol.com
Date: Mon, 12 Jun 2000 14:02:17 EDT
Subject: OK
To: niro@ix.netcom.com
X-Mailer: AOL 4.0 for Windows 95 sub 101
Thanks for your interest. Feel free to use the quote.
Tom Keogh
Re~Run
Which Hollywood Film's Central Premise Was Stolen Directly From A Direct~To~Video Flick?
1998's Cameron Diaz/Christian Slater vehicle, Very Bad Things, a ripoff of 1997's equally bad Stag
Fading Fast
Once~Gifted [Or At Least Kinda Fun] Actors & Directors Who Haven't Turned In A
Truly Great Recent Performance [Before Or Behind The Camera] Or Are Becoming Altogether Tiresome
Updated 05/01/01
Leonardo DiCaprio, Dustin Hoffman, Robert Redford, Martin Sheen,
Charlie Sheen, Sally Field, Goldie Hawn, Diane Keaton, Tilda Swinton,
Joe Pesci, Denis Leary, Jami Gertz, Ron Silver, C. Thomas Howell,
any Culkin kid, Mariel Hemingway, Christopher Lambert, Eric Bogosian,
Mickey Rourke, Elizabeth Perkins, Jon Voight, Antonio Banderas,
Warren Beatty [D&A], Francis Ford Coppola [D], George Lucas [D],
Amy Heckerling [D], Taylor Hackford [D], John Singleton [D], Ron Howard [D],
Robert Rodriguez [D], Susan Seidelman [D], Penelope Spheeris [D],
John Landis [D], Lawrence Kasdan [D], Robert Zemeckis [D], Rob Reiner [D];
Stephen Frears [D] removed following the exquisite High Fidelity
Getting By On Their Looks
People With Little Or No Discernible Talent Who You'd Never Have Seen On Celluloid
If They Weren't Extremely Camera~Friendly
Updated 11/22/01
Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford, Mel Gibson, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kim Basinger,
Jean~Claude Van Damme, Julia Roberts, Kevin Costner, Keanu Reeves, Demi Moore,
Sandra Bullock, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Jennifer Lopez, Penelope Cruz; more as they come up in conversation
(Brad Pitt removed following his good performance in Meet Joe Black, a ponderous remake
of the excellent "Death Takes a Holiday")
Step Back Up To The Mike
Singers Whose Acting Careers Should Cease Immediately
Updated 5/1/01
Madonna, Courtney Love, John Bon Jovi, Whitney Houston, Barbra Streisand,
Cher, Jennifer Lopez; this'll be a fun one to work on
Wannabes Who Never Really Were
Total Hacks And/Or Highly~Overrated People Who Could Save A Boatload Of Budget $ [Their Films' And My Wallet's] If They Simply Went Away
Updated 05/01/01
Barbra Streisand [D&A], Kevin Costner [D], Roland Emmerich [D], John Hughes [D], Barry Sonnenfeld [D], Michael Ritchie [D], wink wink Alan Smithee
[D], Jan De Bont [D], Renny Harlin [D],
Whoopi Goldberg, Mel Gibson [D], just about everyone from "Saturday Night Live" but especially Adam Sandler, nearly the entire cast of "Friends" (although I generally enjoy the show),
Vincent Spano, Jeff Fahey, Richard Grieco, Corey Feldman, Steven Seagal, Jean~Claude Van Damme, Garry Marshall [D], Andrew
Stevens [Stella's offspring, D&A], Sean Astin and of course the incomparable Pauly Shore;
removed out of respect for the dead: Jim Varney; removed out of respect for the decidedly~not~dead
Laura's mom: Bette Midler; removed following the excellent "Flawless": Joel Schumacher [D]
No! No More! No! Stop It!
For God's Sake, End These Films' Sequels Once And For All
Updated 11/22/01
The Silence of the Lambs, Star Wars, Alien, Lethal Weapon, Star Trek, The Blair Witch Project,
Scream, Halloween, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, The Godfather (due solely to The Godfather III),
Highlander, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Batman, The Fugitive/U.S. Marshals, The Flintstones,
Mission: Impossible, Relentless, Carrie, Warlock, Species AND Subspecies, The Prophecy, Darkman,
The Substitute, Universal Soldier, Urban Legend[s], Invisible Mom, 101 Dalmations, Crocodile Dundee,
Scary Movie, American Pie, Friday, Dr. Dolittle, Blue Streak and, yes, even The Matrix...
Y2K Academy Awards®
The Least~Deserved Irving G. Thalberg Award® Ever Presented
Warren "Hi! Here's My Penis!" Beatty; I mean, come on, let's face it and admit that this is a guy who has delivered ONE really good performance which wasn't on a bed in an entire career: as Clyde Barrow in 1967's BONNIE & CLYDE. He's miscast himself in almost every film he's produced, directed, or written, including his portrayal of John Reed in REDS; sure, he was fun in SHAMPOO, THE PARALLAX VIEW, HEAVEN CAN WAIT and BULWORTH, but this is a Thalberg winner? This lifetime achievement winner is so dubious that the Academy actually used ISHTAR during its tribute to Beatty [and you thought BUGSY and LOVE AFFAIR were bad].
The Worst Of The Rest
1. Cinematography: Conrad Hall for AMERICAN BEAUTY. This is the best American film
I've seen since PULP FICTION, but the photography was good, not overly~impressive. SLEEPY
HOLLOW or THE INSIDER should've won... 2. Documentary Feature: ONE DAY IN SEPTEMBER. A category whose credibility was already rendered lost when Errol Morris' MR. DEATH: THE RISE AND FALL OF FRED A. LEUCHTER, JR. wasn't even nominated. The award should've gone to Wim Wenders' BUENA VISTA SOCIAL CLUB...
3. Supporting Actor: Michael Caine for THE CIDER HOUSE RULES; I really despise the Academy for its "payback"
Oscars® and this is certainly right up there with Don Ameche's for COCOON and Paul Newman's for THE COLOR OF
MONEY. All three were decent performances, but not nearly Oscar~worthy. Caine's excellent acceptance speech
pretty much agreed that the other nominees for the award were as good or better; my main problem with his
performance was that all the buzz was about his having worked so hard with a voice coach to lose the Cockney
and adapt a New England accent: but his Cockney kept slipping through said New England accent.
I mean jeez, if Tim Roth and Gary Oldman and Anthony Hopkins can pull off perfect American accents, why
couldn't Caine? Worse still, Caine's wasn't even the best supporting performance in the FILM, let alone in the
year's films (Delroy Lindo's was, but the Academy rarely honors people of color unless they're guys like
like Cuba Gooding, Jr. playing black slappies to white boy heroes like Tom Cruise). My vote goes to Haley Joel Osment for THE SIXTH SENSE. His was the single best performance by a child
actor I've ever seen. The kid is simply amazing.
4. Original Song: the formerly~great early Genesis drummer turned Garagiola~like pop dweeb
Phil Collins pens yet another bland~leading~the~bland tune from an animated feature
[TARZAN, in this case]. SOUTH PARK's "Blame Canada" deserved this one.
Annette's Bad Luck
Annette Bening finally delivers a career performance, as Kevin Spacey's stark~raving
loon of a wife in the brilliant AMERICAN BEAUTY and what happens? Ex~BEVERLY HILLS 90210
gal and the NEXT KARATE KID, Hilary Swank, turns in a tie for the best work by an actor of either sex in the tremendous BOYS DON'T CRY. Glad that Spacey's dead~on Lester Burnham (my choice as the other best American performance in several years) grabbed him his second statuette.
Bring On The Lists!
Niro's Ever~Changing 100 Best English~Language Films List
[Year, Director, American Film Institute 1896~1996 Ranking: NR = Not Ranked By AFI]
Last Updated 08/29/00
1. Citizen Kane [1941, Orson Welles, #1]
2. Casablanca [1942, Michael Curtiz, #2]
3. All Quiet on the Western Front [1930, Lewis Milestone, #54]
4. The Wizard of Oz [1939, Victor Fleming, #6]
5. Sunset Boulevard [1950, Billy Wilder, #12]
6. Dr. Strangelove, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb [1964, Stanley Kubrick, #26]
7. Singin' in the Rain [1952, Gene Kelly, #10]
8. The Godfather [1972, Francis Ford Coppola, #3]
9. Do the Right Thing [1989, Spike Lee, NR]
10. City Lights [1931, Charles Chaplin, #76]
11. Duck Soup [1933, Leo McCarey, #85]
12 The Birth of a Nation [1915, DW Griffith, #44: despite its blatant racism]
13. On The Waterfront [1954, Elia Kazan, #8]
14. It's a Wonderful Life [1946, Frank Capra, #11]
15. All About Eve [1950, Joseph L. Mankiewicz, #16]
16. Night of the Hunter [1955, Charles Laughton, NR]
17. Chinatown [1974, Roman Polanski, #19]
18. Rear Window [1954, Alfred Hitchcock, #42]
19. The Graduate [1967, Mike Nichols, #7]
20. West Side Story [1961, Jerome Robbins & Robert Wise, #41]
21. One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest [1975, Milos Forman, #20]
22. The Grapes of Wrath [1940, John Ford, #21]
23. Apocalypse Now [1979, Coppola, #28]
24. The Bridge on the River Kwai [1957, David Lean, #13]
25. The Maltese Falcon [1941, John Huston, #23]
26. Laura [1944, Otto Preminger, NR]
27. Schindler's List [1993, Steven Spielberg, #9]
28. Once Upon a Time in the West [1968, Sergio Leone, NR]
29. Mean Streets [1973, Martin Scorsese, NR]
30. 2001: A Space Odyssey [1968, Kubrick, 22]
31. Touch of Evil [1958, Welles, NR]
32. Manhattan [1979, Woody Allen, NR]
33. The Godfather, Part II [1974, Coppola, #32]
34. A Streetcar Named Desire [1951, Kazan, #45]
35. The Best Years of our Lives [1946, William Wyler, #37]
36. It's A Gift [1934, Norman Z. MacLeod, NR]
37. The Deer Hunter [1978, Michael Cimino, #79]
38. Raging Bull [1980, Scorsese, #34]
39. The Treasure of the Sierra Madre [1948, Huston, #30]
40. Taxi Driver [1976, Scorsese, #47]
41. Reservoir Dogs [1992, Quentin Tarantino, NR]
42. Stalag 17 [1953, Wilder, NR]
43. Modern Times [1936, Chaplin, #81]
44. Pulp Fiction [1994, Tarantino, #95]
45. Annie Hall [1977, Allen, #31]
46. The Philadelphia Story [1940, George Cukor, #51]
47. Little Big Man [1970, Arthur Penn, NR]
48. Badlands [1974, Terrence Malick, NR]
49. The Conversation [1974, Coppola, NR]
50. Breaking the Waves [1996, Lars von Trier, NR]
51. The Exorcist [1973, William Friedkin, NR]
52. Romeo & Juliet [1968, Franco Zeffirelli, NR]
53. Star Wars [1977, George Lucas, #15]
54. To Kill a Mockingbird [1962, Robert Mulligan, #34]
55. The Sting [1973, George Roy Hill, NR]
56. The Silence of the Lambs [1991, Jonathan Demme, #65]
57. The Third Man [1949, Carol Reed, #57]
58. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs [1937, David Hand, #49]
59. Drowning by Numbers [1988, Peter Greenaway, NR]
60. D.O.A. [1949, Rudolph Mate, NR]
61. Raiders of the Lost Ark [1981, Spielberg, #60]
62. Witness for the Prosecution [1957, Wilder, NR]
63. All the President's Men [1976, Alan J. Pakula, NR]
64. Bonnie & Clyde [1967, Penn, #27]
65. GoodFellas [1990, Scorsese, #94]
66. The Player [1992, Robert Altman, NR]
67. The Day of the Jackal [1973, Fred Zinnemann, NR]
68. Sleuth [1972, Mankiewicz, NR]
69. Frankenstein [1931, James Whale, #87]
70. The Gold Rush [1925, Chaplin, #74]
71. Midnight Cowboy [1969, John Schlesinger, #36]
72. Anatomy of a Murder [1959, Preminger, NR]
73. Freaks [1932, Todd Browning, NR]
74. Dead Ringers [1988, David Cronenberg, NR]
75. Dog Day Afternoon [1975, Sidney Lumet, NR]
76. Kind Hearts and Coronets [1949, Robert Hamer, NR]
77. Being There [1979, Hal Ashby, NR]
78. The Dead Zone [1983, Cronenberg, NR]
79. The Hustler [1961, Robert Rossen, NR]
80. 12 Angry Men [1957, Lumet, NR]
81. Shadow of a Doubt [1942, Hitchcock, NR]
82. Judgment At Nuremburg [1961, Kramer, NR]
83. Matewan [1987, John Sayles, NR]
84. The Manchurian Candidate [1962, John Frankenheimer, #67]
85. Ship of Fools [1965, Stanley Kramer, NR]
86. The Killers (aka A Man Alone) [1946, Robert Siodmak, NR]
87. Fargo [1996, Joel Coen, #84]
88. Brazil [1985, Terry Gilliam, NR]
89. Mystery Train [1989, Jim Jarmusch, NR]
90. Bound [1996, Andy & Larry Wachowski, NR]
91. The Usual Suspects [1995, Bryan Singer, NR]
92. Boyz N the Hood [1991, John Singleton, NR]
93. Shallow Grave [1994, Danny Boyle, NR]
94. The Nightmare Before Christmas [1993, Henry Selick, NR]
95. Miracle on 34th Street [1947, George Seaton, NR]
96. Bad Lieutenant [1992, Abel Ferrara, NR]
97. The Shootist [1976, Don Siegel, NR]
98. The Great Train Robbery [1978, Michael Crichton, NR]
99. Rosemary's Baby [1968, Polanski, NR]
100. Let Him Have It [1991, Peter Medak, NR]
AFI~Ranked Films Not In My Top 100
Sorted By The AFI's Ranking, [Year of Release, Director(s)]
Some Barely Missed Making My List, But...
Let's Begin With What Is Clearly The Single Most Overrated Film In History ~
AFI #4: Gone with the Wind [1939, Victor Fleming, George Cukor & Sam Wood]
AFI #5: Lawrence of Arabia [1962, Lean]
AFI #14: Some Like It Hot [1959, Wilder]
AFI #17: The African Queen [1951, Huston]
AFI #25: E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial [1982, Spielberg]
AFI #29: Mr. Smith Goes To Washington [1939, Capra]
AFI #33: High Noon [1952, Zinnemann]
AFI #35: It Happened One Night [1934, Capra, 2nd most overrated film of all time]
AFI #39: Doctor Zhivago [1965, Lean]
AFI #40: North By Northwest [1959, Hitchcock]
AFI #48: Jaws [1975, Spielberg]
AFI #50: Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid [1969, Hill]
AFI #52: From Here to Eternity [1953, Zinnemann]
AFI #53: Amadeus [1984, Forman]
AFI #55: The Sound of Music [1965, Wise, 3rd most overrated film of all time]
AFI #58: Fantasia [1940, ten different directors]
AFI #59: Rebel Without a Cause [1955, Nicholas Ray]
AFI #61: Vertigo [1958, Hitchcock, primarily due to Kim Novak's total lack of acting skills]
AFI #62: Tootsie [1982, Sydney Pollack, arggghhhhh]
AFI #63: Stagecoach [1939, John Ford]
AFI #64: Close Encounters of the Third Kind [1977, Spielberg]
AFI #66: Network [1976, Lumet]
AFI #68: An American in Paris [1951, Vincente Minnelli]
AFI #69: Shane [1953, George Stevens]
AFI #70: The French Connection [1971, Friedkin]
AFI #71: Forrest Gump [1994, Robert Zemeckis, 4th most overrated film of all time]
AFI #72: Ben-Hur [1959, Wyler]
AFI #73: Wuthering Heights [1939, Wyler]
AFI #75: Dances with Wolves [1990, Kevin Costner, 5th most overrated film of all time]
AFI #77: American Graffiti [1973, Lucas]
AFI #78: Rocky [1976, John G. Avildsen]
AFI #80: The Wild Bunch [1969, Sam Peckinpah]
AFI #82: Giant [1956, Stevens]
AFI #83: Platoon [1986, Oliver Stone]
AFI #86: Mutiny on the Bounty [1935, Frank Lloyd]
AFI #88: Easy Rider [1969, Dennis Hopper]
AFI #89: Patton [1970, Franklin J. Schaffner]
AFI #90: The Jazz Singer [1927, Alan Crosland]
AFI #91: My Fair Lady [1964, Cukor]
AFI #92: A Place in the Sun [1951, Stevens]
AFI #93: The Apartment [1960, Wilder]
AFI #96: The Searchers [1956, Ford]
AFI #97: Bringing Up Baby [1938, Howard Hawks]
AFI #98: Unforgiven [1992, Clint Eastwood]
AFI #99: Guess Who's Coming To Dinner? [1967, Kramer]
AFI #100: Yankee Doodle Dandy [1942, Curtiz]
The AFI's (Mostly Ludicrous) List of the 100 Funniest American
Films
"...As chosen by a panel of 1,800 people in the industry"
(My list will surely follow at one time or another ~ but I have a few initial comments at the end)
Announced 6/14/00
1. Some Like It Hot, 1959;
2. Tootsie, 1982;
3. Dr. Strangelove, Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, 1964;
4. Annie Hall, 1977;
5. Duck Soup, 1933;
6. Blazing Saddles, 1974;
7. M*A*S*H, 1970;
8. It Happened One Night, 1934;
9. The Graduate, 1967;
10. Airplane!, 1980;
11. The Producers, 1968;
12. A Night at the Opera, 1935;
13. Young Frankenstein, 1974;
14. Bringing Up Baby, 1938;
15. The Philadelphia Story, 1940;
16. Singin' in the Rain, 1952;
17. The Odd Couple, 1968;
18. The General, 1927;
19. His Girl Friday, 1940;
20. The Apartment, 1960;
21. A Fish Called Wanda, 1988;
22. Adam's Rib, 1949;
23. When Harry Met Sally ..., 1989;
24. Born Yesterday, 1950;
25. The Gold Rush, 1925;
26. Being There, 1979;
27. There's Something About Mary, 1998;
28. Ghostbusters, 1984;
29. This Is Spinal Tap, 1984;
30. Arsenic and Old Lace, 1944;
31. Raising Arizona, 1987;
32. The Thin Man, 1934;
33. Modern Times, 1936;
34. Groundhog Day, 1993;
35. Harvey, 1950;
36. National Lampoon's Animal House, 1978;
37. The Great Dictator, 1940;
38. City Lights, 1931;
39. Sullivan's Travels, 1941;
40. It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World, 1963;
41. Moonstruck, 1987;
42. Big, 1988;
43. American Graffiti, 1973;
44. My Man Godfrey, 1936;
45. Harold and Maude, 1972;
46. Manhattan, 1979;
47. Shampoo, 1975;
48. A Shot in the Dark, 1964;
49. To Be or Not to Be, 1942;
50. Cat Ballou, 1965;
51. The Seven Year Itch, 1955;
52. Ninotchka, 1939;
53. Arthur, 1981;
54. The Miracle of Morgan's Creek, 1944;
55. The Lady Eve, 1941;
56. Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, 1948;
57. Diner, 1982;
58. It's a Gift, 1934;
59. A Day at the Races, 1937;
60. Topper, 1937;
61. What's Up, Doc?, 1972;
62. Sherlock Jr., 1924;
63. Beverly Hills Cop, 1984;
64. Broadcast News, 1987;
65. Horse Feathers, 1932;
66. Take the Money and Run, 1969;
67. Mrs. Doubtfire, 1993;
68. The Awful Truth, 1937;
69. Bananas, 1971;
70. Mr. Deeds Goes to Town, 1936;
71. Caddyshack, 1980;
72. Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House, 1948;
73. Monkey Business, 1931;
74. 9 to 5, 1980;
75. She Done Him Wrong, 1933;
76. Victor/Victoria, 1982;
77. The Palm Beach Story, 1942;
78. Road to Morocco, 1942;
79. The Freshman, 1925;
80. Sleeper, 1973;
81. The Navigator, 1924;
82. Private Benjamin, 1980;
83. Father of the Bride, 1950;
84. Lost in America, 1985;
85. Dinner at Eight, 1933;
86. City Slickers, 1991;
87. Fast Times at Ridgemont High, 1982;
88. Beetlejuice, 1988;
89. The Jerk, 1979;
90. Woman of the Year, 1942;
91. The Heartbreak Kid, 1972;
92. Ball of Fire, 1941;
93. Fargo, 1996;
94. Auntie Mame, 1958;
95. Silver Streak, 1976;
96. Sons of the Desert, 1933;
97. Bull Durham, 1988;
98. The Court Jester, 1956;
99. The Nutty Professor, 1963;
100. Good Morning, Vietnam, 1987
The above list was used without any permission whatsoever: if the AFI wants to take me on I certainly
welcome the challenge: all I have to do is remind them of their first two choices. And the fact that it took
them 18 slots to acknowledge Keaton's (Buster's, not Michael's) best film. Or that Chaplin finally makes
his first appearances at #s 37 & 38. There are so many bad films here that it ought to make any cinephile
nauseous. It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World #40? Is there a good critic on the planet (living or dead)
which found a single laugh in it? I Mrs. Doubtfire [#67] it... Ephron's Woody ripoff When Harry Met Sally?
Road To anything? At least my favorite comedy made the list: #58's WC Fields masterpiece,
It's a Gift
Martin Scorsese's 10 Best Films of the '90s
Announced on 02/27/00
1. The Horse Thief (China, 1986, but "it didn't really become widely-known in the United States until the early '90s")
2. The Thin Red Line (1999)
3. A Borrowed Life (Taiwan, 1994)
4. Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
5. Bad Lieutenant (1992)
6. Breaking the Waves (1996)
7. Bottle Rocket (1994)
8. Crash (1996)
9. Fargo (1994)
10. TIE: Malcolm X (1992) & Heat (1995)
Roger Ebert's 10 Best Films of the '90s
Announced on 02/27/00
1. Hoop Dreams (1994)
2. Pulp Fiction (1994)
3. GoodFellas (1990)
4. Fargo (1996)
5. Krzysztof Kieslowski's "Colors" Trilogy: Red (Poland, 1994), White (Poland, 1994) & Blue (Poland, 1993)
6. Schindler's List (1993)
7. Breaking the Waves (1996)
8. Leaving Las Vegas (1995)
9. Malcolm X (1992)
10. JFK (1991)
Landmark Theatres' Truly Embarrassing Favorite Foreign
Film Poll Results
Based on 35,000 votes cast nationwide from August 1 through October 31, 1999
[If Titanic wasn't enough, here is absolute proof that American filmgoers haven't a clue]
1. Life Is Beautiful [1997, Italy]
2. Cinema Paradiso [1988, Italy]
3. Il Postino [aka The Postman, 1994, Italy]
4. Like Water for Chocolate [1992, Mexico]
5. Das Boot [aka The Boat, 1981, Germany]
6. Babette's Feast [1987, Denmark]
7. The Gods Must Be Crazy [1981, Botswana]
8. The Seven Samurai [1954, Japan]
9. Shall We Dance? [1996, Japan]
10. The Bicycle Thief [1948, Italy]
11. La Femme Nikita [1990, France]
12. La Cage aux Folles [aka Birds of a Feather, aka The Birdcage, 1978, France]
13. My Life as a Dog [1985, Sweden]
14. Central Station [1998, Brazil]
15. Run Lola Run [1998, Germany]
16. Au Revoir, les Enfants [aka Goodbye Children, 1987, France]
17. Eat Drink Man Woman [1994, Taiwan]
18. La Dolce Vita [1960, Italy]
19. Jean de Florette [1986, France]
20. Raise the Red Lantern [1991, China]
21. Wings of Desire [1988, Germany]
22. Les Miserables [1995, France]
23. Farewell My Concubine [1993, China]
24. The Wedding Banquet [1993, Taiwan]
25. Beauty and the Beast [1946, France]
26. Black Orpheus [1959, France/Brazil]
27. Ran [1985, Japan]
28. Indochine [1992, France]
29. Antonia's Line [1995, Netherlands]
30. Rashomon [1950, Japan]
31. Europa Europa [1991, Germany]
32. The City of Lost Children [1995, France]
33. The Seventh Seal [1957, Sweden]
34. Blue [aka Three Colors: Blue, 1993, France]
35. A Man and a Woman [1966, France]
36. Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown [1988, Spain]
37. Cyrano de Bergerac [1990, France]
38. Manon of the Spring [1986, France]
39. 8 1/2 [1963, Italy]
40. Diva [1982, France]
41. King of Hearts [1966, France]
42. Fanny and Alexander [1983, Sweden]
43. La Strada [1954, Italy]
44. Red [aka Three Colors: Red, 1994, France]
45. And God Created Woman [1956, France]
46. Delicatessen [1991, France]
47. Diabolique [1955, France]
48. Z [1969, France]
49. The Baker's Wife [1938, France]
50. Belle de Jour [1967, France]
51. Children of Paradise [1945, France]
52. The King of Masks [1996, Hong Kong/China]
53. Tampopo [1986, Japan]
54. Jules and Jim [1961, France]
55. Akira [1988, Japan]
56. The Umbrellas of Cherbourg [1964, France]
57. Ma Vie en Rose [aka My Life in Pink, 1997, Belgium]
58. Kolya [1996, Czech]
59. Grand Illusion [1937, France]
60. Amarcord [1974, Italy]
61. Two Women [1960, Italy]
62. The Four Hundred Blows [1959, France]
63. Aguirre, the Wrath of God [1972, Germany]
64. The Tin Drum [1979, Germany]
65. Wild Strawberries [1957, Sweden]
66. Never on Sunday [1960, Greece]
67. Belle Epoque [1992, Spain]
68. Burnt by the Sun [1994, Russia]
69. After Life [1998, Japan]
70. M [1931, Germany]
71. Nights of Cabiria [1957, Italy]
72. The Garden of the Finzi-Continis [1971. Italy]
73. Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! [aka Atame!, 1990, Spain]
74. The Killer [1989, Hong Kong]
75. Betty Blue [1986, France]
76. Breathless [1959, France]
77. Cousin Cousine [1975, France]
78. The Blue Angel [1938, Germany]
79. Chungking Express [1994, Hong Kong]
80. Ju Dou [1989, China]
81. Carmen [1983, Spain]
82. The Scent of Green Papaya [1993, Vietnam]
83. Camille Claudel [1988, France]
84. Ponette [1996, France]
85. Bread and Chocolate [1978, Italy]
86. Alexander Nevsky [1938, USSR]
87. Swept Away [1975, Italy]
88. The Return of Martin Guerre [1982, France]
89. Divorce Italian Style [1961, Italy]
90. Mr. Hulot's Holiday [1953, France]
91. Hiroshima, Mon Amour [1959, France/Japan]
92. Seven Beauties [1976, Italy]
93. Tango [1998, Argentina]
94. The Accompanist [1992, France]
95. Black Rain [1989, Japan]
96. To Live [1994, Hong Kong]
97. A Chinese Ghost Story [1987, Hong Kong]
98. Rules of the Game [1939, France]
99. Cries and Whispers [1972, Sweden]
100. Mediterraneo [1991, Italy]
Number of above films by decade: 1930s - 6,
1940s - 3, 1950s - 13, 1960s - 11, 1970s - 10,
1980s - 23, 1990s - 34
Niro's Cinema Page
